As the Fab Four once sang, “All You Need Is Love.” But what if you can’t find love? What if you feel unloved?
We who are bipolar may think our disorder is a strike against us in the relationship department, that no one would ever want to date someone who can have erratic moods. From friends to parents to siblings and extended family, many of us are loved by lots of people. But what of romantic love? I’m here to tell you that stability is possible and, if you are on the right meds and receiving proper therapy, romantic love is achievable.
There are 61.24 million married couples in the U.S. But the number of unmarried people is quite larger: 110.6 million. So you don’t have to feel like you’re the only kid at the high school dance without a date. Even in the general population, many of us don’t date.
From OK Cupid to Tinder to Chappy to Scruff to Coffee Meets Bagel, I’ve tried almost all the dating sites. Chicago’s own Liz Phair posits on her Exile in Guyville album “Whatever happened to a boyfriend? The kind of guy who tries to win you over?”I can relate. I have probably been on more than 20 dates since I got sober seven years ago. Just scroll through my phone and you’ll see all the numbers of the guys I never clicked with. I don’t know why I haven’t deleted them.
There is one guy who I would like to be my valentine. (Hopefully he isn’t reading this.) We started out chatting on OKC in December 2017 and have been hanging out regularly for the past year. He’s a viola player who performs in a couple of orchestras and teaches lessons to kids, so we have music in common and have caught some concerts together. Also, like me, he really digs the arts, from indie cinema to art museums and theatrical plays, and we try to catch all of the Best Picture Oscar nominees before the awards show.
But he’s “not ready for a relationship right now.” We’ve been intimate before but not since he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I finally meet someone I like, who I click with, and I’m attracted to, and it’s going nowhere romantically.
But I’m not giving up. And I’m not waiting for him. I’ve been diligently going on dates with many guys in the meantime, although to no avail. But I still have hope.
Love is rare and hard to find. You need to work hard to get to that point. Finding someone you click with is drudgery. And finding someone who likes you back is even more difficult.
I’ll fall in love again some day. It’s just a matter of when and how.
