Bragging is ubiquitous on Facebook. There’s always people getting married, having babies, and taking exotic vacations. The boasting is particularly pronounced this time of year, when people are recapping 2017 and spotlighting all of their accomplishments. It’s easy to feel inadequate.
Just one example from one of my FB friends:
Over the past 365 days I raised [venture capital] and sold my [artificial intelligence] startup, volunteered 60 hours, donated and raised $25k for non-profits, advised two AI startups, was published in one magazine, traveled to 3 new countries, 7 cities, moved to SF, fell in love… and fell out of love, hosted 17 dinner parties and one pool party, made new friends, lost one friend, ran over 500 miles, donated my wardrobe and bought a new one, and attended 144 private sessions with my personal trainer and Pilates instructor.
This laundry list of achievements makes me, and I suppose many others, feel unaccomplished.
Looking at Facebook and other social media causes us to compare ourselves to others. Everyone puts their best foot forward online, boasting with photos of their spectacular vacations, progress at work, upstanding family life, and outrageous parties, fine dining, and nightlife. It’s as if they live in a world where everyone is happy all the time.
But that’s not the reality. Everyone has problems. And the only place I see the real truth — bona fide vulnerability — is in FB groups like Bipolar Coaster, and Bipolar(s) Supporting Bipolars.
And what if you don’t have anything worthwhile to share on social media? What if you lack a partner? Or true, real-life friends? Or you don’t have the money to go on fabulous excursions abroad? You probably feel left out. I know I do.
A study that came out last February examined social media and its effect on our moods. It concluded that frequent Facebook users were less happy.
A newer study concluded that people who admitted to spending more time on social media — more than two hours a day — had twice the odds of social isolation than those who said they spent a half-hour or less.
Also, visitors who spent time on social media more frequently — at least 58 logins per week — had more than 300 percent odds of perceived social isolation than those who surfed social media fewer than nine times per week.
Turns out “social media” isn’t actually very social. We feel dejected when we don’t get as many likes as another person, or when our posts are never shared. In that sense, Facebook feels a lot like a high school popularity contest.
So if we want to feel better about ourselves, it’s best to lay off the Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat and make IRL plans. Skip the digital. Go physical.
Actuality awaits.
