It’s pretty abnormal to not drink, especially if you’re young – 40 or under. It’s even somewhat abnormal to not smoke weed if you move in certain artistic or bohemian social circles, like I do. I smoke cigarettes, so it’s even weirder that I don’t drink.
One approach to answering questions about your unusual behavior is to say something like “I partied a little bit too much in my 20s, so I take it easy now.”
But what if you don’t want to dodge the question? What if you want to admit to someone that you are a recovering alcoholic/addict?
It may be obvious when you tell someone you don’t drink that you are indeed an alcoholic. When faced with the million-dollar-question of why, you can say a variety of things:
1. “I don’t like the way alcohol or drugs make me feel.”
The truth is, we recovering alcoholics love the feeling that alcohol or drugs provide. We love the escape. The buzz. The numbness. The high. So this is a lie. A little white lie.
If you want to still feel like you’re included in the imbibing, you can have the bartender mix you a mocktail or fruit punch if you want to disguise your indisposition to drink.
2.“My dad is an alcoholic and it’s in my genes. I don’t want to go down that path.”
For this one, you can admit that you don’t like the behaviors associated with alcoholism, without having to admit your own.
3. “My sister died in a drunk driving accident.”
This is the perfect excuse for wanting to stay on the straight and narrow, but again it is a lie.
But what if you don’t wanna lie? Well then, it’s time to tell the truth. The best way is to keep it brief.
“I’m a recovering alcoholic/addict and I’ve been sober for xx months / years.”
Most people will react positively to a statement like this, possibly even commending you on your sobriety.
However, I would avoid admitting you are a recovering alcoholic/addict when it comes to the workplace. What about co-workers? You get invited to drinks after work. Or the company holiday party – which is notoriously a drunkfest. You can order your club soda with lime and pretend it’s a gin and tonic. Or you can fess up if someone asks. No shame in saying you don’t drink. Or you can say you’re driving.
But when should you have this conversation? It may come up early upon meeting someone, in which case you could use one of the little white lies above until you are ready to tell them the truth. This is especially true for if you are dating someone new. However, it makes most sense to tell a new friend or love interest after meeting them at least three times in person. I think three times is good enough not to be judged. Get the person to like you first so that you’re not thrown aside.
In the end, go with your gut. Only you can determine how and when it feels right to disclose. Telling the truth will make you feel better and if someone has a problem with it, then it’s their problem and you probably don’t want to know them anyway.
