2014: Reflections on My Year as a Bipolar Addict

This was the year I turned the corner on my life after seven years lost due to alcohol and drugs.

When I was laid off from MTV News in December of 2007, I began getting drunk every day and became an alcoholic. I was living in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and I was isolating, drinking by myself every day. When my severance package ran out, I moved back to my hometown of Chicago, where I could live rent-free in my parents’ apartment. I continued to drink. I finally got sober in February of 2012 after going to rehab.

2013 was a readjustment period. But 2014 is the year of my bounce back.

Highlights:

1. In February, I celebrated two years of sobriety. Thanks to AA and the support of my family and friends, I am 100% drug and alcohol free.
2. After seven years of unemployment, I took a job as a bagger at a specialty supermarket. At first, I found it to be extremely exhausting. Bagging groceries made me anxious because of the pace. My bipolar brain just isn’t wired to bag groceries. I wanted to quit. But I pressed on.

   My boss accommodated my aversion to bagging and I became a “lot captain” – responsible for wrangling shopping carts from the parking lot. I also clean the bathrooms every hour. It’s humbling scrubbing toilets every morning, but to quote indie rocker Conor Oberst: “I’d rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery.” I recently asked for a promotion and got it. I will begin a new role — yet to be determined — starting in 2015.

3. I met someone. Finally. After three years of unsuccessful dating, I met a guy who shares my love of music. We go to concerts together and listen to records every time we meet. He is a really nice guy and super sweet.
4. I started collecting jazz vinyl. The warm, cozy sound of a slight crackle and a needle on a record is sublime. Listening to vinyl makes listening to music feel more like an event. It commands your attention. And there’s something romantic about having to flip the record over. I like the ‘60s. Miles Davis. Thelonious Monk. Stan Getz. Joao Gilberto. Brazilian bossa nova. I also love Billie Holiday. On many mornings, I listen to a jazz record in full, almost as a means of meditation. I focus on nothing else but the music. It calms me and my days are better for it.
5. I’m moving into a new apartment. I couldn’t be more excited about this. My days of dwelling in my parents’ apartment are over. Here in the River North neighborhood of Chicago, I have been using all of their furniture and cookware and everything under the roof. All that is mine is the TV and the stereo. It’s the furniture and family photos from my childhood. My sofa, coffee table and everything is in storage. I haven’t slept in my own bed in four years and this will be completely refreshing.
6. I launched this blog. The Bipolar Addict has received more than 14,000 views and I have nearly 3,000 likes on Facebook. This is all ammo to convince publishers that my book about my experience and that of16 others — The Eccentrics — is commercially viable. I have an agent and she is currently shopping The Eccentrics to publishers. Wish me luck in securing a publishing contract in 2015.

What milestones are you celebrating this year?

Conor Bezane

Head Writer

Conor Bezane is a music-meister who has written for MTV News, AOL, and VICE. He is a recovering bipolar addict who can be found digging through the crates at a local record store when he’s not attacking his keyboard, writing nonfiction. His first book, The Bipolar Addict, is available now on Amazon.