Illustration by Lusco y Fusco
In the early ‘90s, David Gahan’s future — and, consequently, that of his band, Depeche Mode — hung in the balance. The longtime frontman for one of the world’s most popular and influential electronic groups was hooked on heroin, having gone so far as to overhaul a bathroom to better suit his addiction.
But Gahan can count himself among the lucky ones. Even though Depeche’s lead singer died — not once, but twice — during his battle with heroin, he somehow managed to not only clean up but come back more vital than before.
As a longtime fan of the Mode, I followed the band around Spain during their Devotional tour, which British music mag Q dubbed “the most debaucherous tour in rock and roll history.” Although I never witnessed Dave’s drug use first-hand, I did see him plastered on numerous occasions, often strutting through club crowds with a champagne bottle glued to his lips. Off stage, I don’t think I ever saw him sober.
Even those of us fans who weren’t clued into Gahan’s drug use knew something was up. During his heroin haze, his once clean-cut hair had grown to Jesus lengths and his body had shriveled to a wiry frame that at times seemed to threaten to give out as he shook his rump on stage. We knew it was more than the influence of grunge, whether or not we could put our finger on it.
Our fears were confirmed in October 1993, when reports surfaced of Gahan suffering a heart attack onstage in New Orleans. As he was wheeled off on a gurney, he could hear the improvised encore the band played.
Throughout his addiction years, colleagues recall Gahan as not being his true self. Both label-head Daniel Miller and bandmate Alan Wilder recalled how Gahan’s sense of humor (which many call his greatest asset) simply disappeared in the drug-addled fog.
During the Devotional tour, tensions between band members became so great that an on-the-road psychiatrist was hired, although the remaining three members recall having more sessions than Dave, who visited his dealer (whom he’d somehow snuck on the payroll) instead.
Gahan recalls this period of his life not-so-fondly: “I was so fucking paranoid, I carried a .38 at all times. I was scared of everything and everyone. I thought they were coming to get me — whoever ‘they’ were. That was when I started toying with the idea of going out on a big one. Just shoot the big speedball to heaven. Disappear. Stop. I wanted to stop being myself, I wanted to stop living in this body. I hated myself that much, what I’d done to myself and everyone around me.” After he recovered, he admitted that one of the reasons for his self-hatred is because he’d become one of the things he despised most: a rock-‘n’-roll cliché casualty.
Two years later, he attempted suicide, although he later claimed he wasn’t actually trying to kill himself but rather calling out for help. The following May, he overdosed on a speedball at his “home” in Los Angeles (Sunset Marquis Hotel). He was declared legally dead for two minutes.
After his recovery, he spent some time in jail for drug possession. Leaving the jail, he told reporters, “I don’t wanna be like people like Kurt [Cobain]. I wanna be a survivor… I just died again last night. My cats lives are out.”
At this point, his situation was so obviously drastic that bandmate Andrew Fletchers stated, “If I’d got a phone call saying he had died, I wouldn’t have been surprised.”
But he returned to his addiction, prompting his bandmates to intervene and insist he go into rehab. Ironically, he checked into the same one, Exodus Recovery in Marina del Rey, Calif., that Cobain had attended just eight days before he committed suicide.
The therapy at Exodus got to him. “It changed the whole way I felt,” the singer said a few years later. “Suddenly I got it. There was hope. I could change. I could have a choice.”
Today, Gahan is, to paraphrase a Violator song, the cleanest he’s been. In the Depeche Mode biography, Stripped, author Jonathan Miller quotes Gahan as saying, “I do much better in life when I just leave it [drugs] alone. I don’t kid myself today that I can dabble with it, and I don’t miss it now.”
As part of his personal comeback, Gahan launched a solo career. The singer/songwriter admits that his first single, “Dirty Sticky Floors,” poked fun of his addiction and the burnout he’d become. It seems that, after cleaning up, he’d regained his trademark humor and self-deprecating wit.
Gahan hasn’t just reclaimed his own life. He’s also helped other musicians overcome their addictions, and in the process received the Stevie Ray Vaughn Award, given by MusiCares to artists who have dedicated help their peers with recovery.
And Depeche Mode are still together. Gahan has added songwriting to his list of band duties, but his most important role remains that of frontman, for which he’s been cited by numerous music publications as one of the greatest in music history.
With the Global Spirit Tour, now touring in Europe and set to hit the States in just a few weeks, Gahan has two reasons to celebrate. Not only is the tour one of the highest grossing of the year to date, but this year marks Gahan’s twentieth year of sobriety.
Happy anniversary, Dave.
